Many are familiar with this feeling of unclear sadness that squeezes the heart, dreary emptiness inside, a feeling of abandonment. When there are no other people nearby or they are, but communication with them is superficial, we lose the meaning of life and ourselves. We do not feel happy, because no one shares our experiences. Why is we overtaken by a state of loneliness and how to get out of it?
Alexey – smart and educated person, works as a system administrator. At work, it spends the whole day in a small room, which is more suitable for the definition of a “kamork”, and very rarely goes on an open -spice for other employees. He almost does not communicate with colleagues: he always seems to him that he distracts them from something and they don’t really like talking to him. Young man has no friends. Salt entertainment awaits him at home – the same computer with the Internet, books. Almost nowhere except work, Alexei does not go. It seems to him that life is gray and boring, and nothing good awaits him.
Olga lives with a young man, she has a lot of acquaintances, she communicates a lot for work, but the girl does not suit the quality of this communication. It seems to her that others do not notice in her something important. Topics that everyone around is talking, seem to Olga superficial and boring. Olga’s partner will close him, it seems to him comfortable with her – but nothing more. Even surrounded by people, the girl feels in isolation, she lacks the depth of communication.
In extreme cases, loneliness leads to depression, increases the risk of diabetes, heart disease, arthritis
When we have no social contacts or they do not satisfy us, we cease to feel significant and valuable. In order for us to realize our significance, others need to recognize and reflect it. When this does not happen, we seem to be not. It is no coincidence that isolation is considered a punishment. Alone, we have the motivation and desire to be realized.
Being alone for a long time, we do not understand who we are and why. We are “hanging out” in an emotional vacuum, as in a state of weightlessness, without support and guidelines. There is no need to wake up in the morning, there is no need and “nowhere” to live. In extreme cases, loneliness leads to depression, increases the risk of diabetes, heart disease, arthritis and even dementia. Lonely people have less energy, and their life expectancy is shorter.
Four reasons for loneliness
Most often, single people themselves do not allow others. To “break through” him, you need to overcome the ditches and fences with barbed wire, which they create around. This does not mean that the suffering from loneliness in this is to blame: there are reasons why they establish protection.
Shyness. A lonely person can be ashamed of himself and his manifestation in the world. When someone else looks at him with interest, he seems to him that he is now “exposed”. It is difficult, sometimes unbearable, easier to avoid such situations and not show interest in response. Often shy people become quite cheeky under the influence of alcohol: “releasing the brakes”, they unconsciously seek to replenish the void, which was formed due to the lack of regular communication.
Fear of people
and their mirror “scolding”. The reason may be the installation that no one cannot and even be dangerous to trust. We may not be aware of this installation, but broadcast to the world. And when someone approaches us, we frown, turn away or respond in a tone that beats away from the potential interlocutor all hunting again to approach us.
Traumatic experience of intimacy. Perhaps in the past someone tactlessly treated our secret or betrayed us, and now the proximity for us is equal to defenselessness. This could happen because we ourselves talked about something very personal barely familiar people, and one of the interlocutors turned out to be dishonest. A lonely person does not let others in, and those around you feel it.